Hallelujah, Hooray, the painters are finished. The basement is now done. My daughter can go back to her to what she calls, " her domain ".

                  Happy Birthday Mary Lou.

My wonderful wife's birthday is today, March 31st. I won't say her birthday but I'll say she's older then me but looks 10 years younger as others have said.

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 Today's blog will only deal about great it is to be about a grandparent. Since Covid, we haven't enjoyed the opportunity of being with our grandchildren and we really miss them.

 

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 Cruisin Paul

 

It's Saturday, the sun is out and I'm wide awake.  Good morning friends. Yesterday was a weird day. After a storm during the night, my daughter noticed that the phones weren't working. After calling Bell  ( we do have a cell phone ) and having two men working on the phones, finally they decided to have a person to come over later that day to  check on what's going on. After we hung up suddenly all the phones worked. Weird! This new area that we lived in is just crazy. On Monday we are having the painter come in to do the ceiling downstairs. It's now going on 5 weeks with this mess and my daughter hasn't slept in her new bed that she bought. One other crazy thing, my wife went down and tried to start cleaning. There is so much white dust around the place. The guys said that they would be cleaning up before they leave. Well they left and the place is a mess. I'm going crazy around here. I plan on taking my vaccine0 shot next week. At least there is one good thing going on. Maybe?

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My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink

No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

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I'll never forget what my grandfather said to me right before he kicked the bucket.

"Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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An old couple gets pulled over and...

Lady cop - "May I see you license and registration sir?"

Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"

Old wife - "She needs to see you license and registration dear."

**The old man hands it to the lady cop and...**

Lady cop - "Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a lover from New York, he was the worst lover I ever had."

Old man - "ugh, what did she say?"

Old wife - "Nothing dear, She thinks she used to know you."

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I was talking to my grandfather

When he said
"your generation relies too much on technology"
I then said
" no grandpa yours does"
Then I unplugged his life support.

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My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.

Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.

 

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A grandfather sits flustered in his workshop unable to recall where he left his toolbox. He calls over his grandson and asks him, "son, what's the name of the German that keeps stealing my tools?!"

"Alzheimers granddad, Alzheimers."

 

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Cruisin Paul

  

Good evening everyone. Carol here is the picture of the gazebo I plan on buying. 

Out table and six chairs will fit under this gazebo. The painter came to do his job but wouldn't do it because the ceiling wasn't finished so they had to go and get the other man. He was here today and finished and now we have to wait again for the painter. There are so many other problems around this NEW home, yes it's suppose to be a NEW home. I'm just thinking, should I see my lawyer?

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A man died one day and his wife went to the funeral home to make the necessary arrangements. The funeral home director asked her if there's anything she thinks her husband would have wished for his funeral.

"Actually there is something", she said. "We've always had this plan that one day we'll travel together to Italy and he would get one of those beautiful custom tailored black silk suits that only the best tailors from Milan can make. Since he was always busy and we never had this opportunity I'd really like to fulfill this one last thing for him." "Okay", says the director. "I have some connections. I will do my best."

The day of the funeral comes and the deceased is wearing a perfect black silk suit during the viewing. It's everything his wife could have hoped for so afterwards she goes to the funeral director and tells him how touched she was and if he could tell her how much everything is going to cost.

"Actually I am not going to charge you anything for the suit.", he says. "Sometimes things just work out in life like that. Shortly after we spoke last time before the funeral another woman who lost her husband came in. Her husband was the exact same age and build as your husband, and he was wearing a black silk suit just as you described. I asked his wife what he would have liked to be dressed in for the ceremony but she said that he wasn't particular about clothes and she brought in a few of his other suits in various colors so I can better match it with the casket and the rest of the ceremony. So for me it really was no trouble at all! Since her husband was already dressed in the suit that your husband would have wanted I just swapped their heads."

 

  

I was with a funeral director, planning my final arrangements. He asked me if I wanted to have a family viewing prior to the services.

I told him "Remains to be seen."

 

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“The total cost would be $5000,” said the funeral director, “and that includes digging of the grave.”

Me: Is that the whole thing?

Him: Yes, that’s the hole thing.

             

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4 Husbands

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

"He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

 

 

 

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Cruisin Paul

 

Good afternoon friends. My wife & I went to Windsor to see our new Gazebo for our patio. We found one around $900 plus the cost of $600 to put it together at Lowes which I thought was fair. She wanted to go to Home Depot also to see what they had. No one came to assist us so we left but did see their sheds. They were lousy so we might get one from Costco. Still haven't got the painters to do their job in the basement. That's the way life is now. can't get upset. Doesn't matter if you get upset.

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Sweet Aroma

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line: 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"


The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."


The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget
my line?"

"No!" screamed the director. " You forgot the rose !"

 

 

 

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Cruisin Paul

 

Good afternoon friends. After lunch my wife and I with my friend Ron went out into our backs looking for the post that would tells us our location to our land post. Our builder once again screwed us up and wouldn't help us.The idiot. After setting up other posts we were succeeded in finding the location but were unable to find the other. After digging for a long time we realized that building homes in the location they probably dug the entire of the post. At least we found the one that I needed.

Thanks to my friend Ron,  he was the saviour.

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Medical exam

During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says, "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."
The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor. "No! No! .... Just stick out your tongue!"

 

 

Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words?
1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM


Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?

Well, you don't have alzheimers, but you are a pervert

 

 

Hunting accident

Two oldtimers Bill and Ted, are out in the woods hunting deer, having a few beers and remembering days gone by.

Suddenly Bill clutches his chest "Aaarh my heart, I think I'm dying, help Ted" and down he goes, out cold no pulse.

Ted grabs his phone and hits 911 "help, I'm in the woods and my pal just dropped dead, what should I do?".
The operator answers "OK sir don't panic, first thing to do is make sure he's actually dead"

"OK give me a second"

BANG

"Right, now he's definitely dead...what next?".

 

 

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Cruisin Paul

 

Good morning my friends. It was nice and warm yesterday but the wind was crazy. I went outside and it almost knocked me down. Still no painters. You know, when we sold our large home, I never thought I would have so many problems moving into a new home. These builders just steal your money and leave you hanging. Maybe some day I'll have a new home finished. Oh it was suppose to have been totally finished when we walked into this home in November. How stupid of me to realize people are going to do the best for me.

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Cruisin Paul