Saturday's Here

 

The sun is out this morning very bright in the sky. There is a little snow on the ground and it's very cold, around 20 degrees. It's suppose to get up to 40 today, 50 tomorrow and the drop back into the the low 30's for the rest of the week and then lower then that and have snow. Oh how wonderful. 

Today we continue to decorate the inside of our home. My wife is decorating our foyer with the staircase. When it is finished, I'll post a photo of her work or should I say our foyer Christmas. Me, I'm beginning to decorate our big Christmas tree. The tree is mine. No one helps with the tree except

to place the top. I can't climb on a ladder so my wonderful wife has to help me with the top.

Tonight our friends Al & Meilin are coming over. AS you have noticed that one day we go over to their home and a couple days later their come to ours. It's fun having good friends like them to visit and also going out for dinner. They will be coming over for Christmas dinner this year and Meilin has told me that she will bring a ham and some Chinese dumplings. They are very tasty, I've had them before at her place. 

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Quote of the Day

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Saturday's Funnies

Smartest Man

A lawyer, a doctor, a little boy and a priest were all out on a small plane for an afternoon flight when the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the pilot's best efforts, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot yelled out to his passengers that they'd better jump, grabbed a parachute and bailed out.
Unfortunately, that left only three remaining parachutes. Grabbing one, the doctor said, "I am a doctor and I save lives, so I must live," and he jumped.
The lawyer then grabbed a parachute and said, "I am the smartest man in the world. I definitely deserve to live." Then he jumped.
Looking at the young boy, the priest said, "Son, I have been fortunate to have lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."
Handing the parachute back to the priest, the little boy said, "Don't worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack!"

Really Good Deed

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He's checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did lots of good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in." The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a Biker Gang assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, that's what they were doing. There were about 50 of' em torturing this chick. Infuriated, I got out my car, grabbed a tire iron from my trunk and walked straight up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the Gang formed a circle all around me. So I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them,' Leave this poor, innocent girl alone, you slime! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'" St. Peter, extremely impressed, says, "Really? Wow, when did all this happen?" "Er.. about two minutes ago."

     

Headache

Joe was moderately successful in the career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. "The good news is I can cure your headaches, the bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. After the operation, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see, size 44 long?" Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?". "It's my job." replied the salesman. Joe tried on the suit, it fitted perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure!". The salesman eyed Joe then said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16 and a half neck.". Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?". "It's my job." came the familiar reply. Joe tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly. The salesman asked, "How about new shoes?". Joe was on a roll and agreed. The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see, nine-and-a-half?" Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?". "It's my job." said the salesman again. Joe tried on the shoes and they fitted perfectly. He walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure, why not." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see, size 36." Joe laughed smugly, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The shocked salesman shook his head, "You can't possibly wear a size 34! It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache!"

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Now that I've completed my blog, I'd better get to the Christmas tree. Have a wonderful day my friends. See ya.

 

 

Another Nice Friday

I hope that my American friends have had your fill of turkey & pumpkin pie and I hope that left me some food. Ha,ha,ha. I'm not that hungry anyway. 
One thing I enjoy about your Thanksgiving is football. I watched three games yesterday, The first one was my Lions against the Bears of Chicago and the Lions were victorious. In between all of these games I still made dinner for my family. I'm football tired right now. This morning my wife is taking our daughter to her final horse riding class until after Christmas. She starts again in late January before we leave for our cruise. Ah our cruise. It has taken so long that I no longer really care to care. 
Got ya! I'm so excited to get the heck out of Amherstburg and get on that ship and rest, food, & rest & fun & food & rest. You know what I mean. Now that your Thanksgiving is done, I can put up my Christmas tree. I wait until then because now the Christmas feeling is there.

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Quote of the Day

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Friday's Funnies

 

How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?
All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

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That's it for today. I now have to go to town and pick up  some more coffee. I'm down to near nothing. Enjoy the day my friends. See ya.

American Thanksgiving Thursday

 

Happy Thanksgiving to Bee, Sandee & Big Ed and all my friends & relatives that are celebrating this special day in the United States

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Thanksgiving Quote

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Thanksgiving Funnies

The blonde Thanksgiving dinner

It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.

"Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" said the daughter.

"Did it not taste good?" her mother asked.

"I don't know," the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!"

 

The football-playing turkey

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.

Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."

"Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"

 

 

"Blonde thanksgiving" joke

blonde went to a grocery store and bought a turkey. she noticed that on the side of the turkey it said "for every 10 lbs. cook for 4 hours". so she went home and cooked the turkey for 40 hours cause she weighed 100 lbs.

 

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Once again have a very Happy Thanksgiving friends. See ya.

 

Sauce Wednesday

My daughter AmyLynn and my grandchildren Emily & Cole said to me. " Dad, Grandpa, when are you going to make more of your spaghetti sauce" ? Well I'm doing my sauce today so I have to get my blog done quickly. I've already made the meatballs now the sauce and after we can have a spaghetti & meatball dinner.
 Tonight we are going to Al & Meilin's home, they called yesterday and invited us tonight so I'll be playing pool tonight.

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Quote of the Day

 

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Wednesday's Funnies

 

 

Meteor Crater

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"

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That's it for today. Now I have to get my garlic & onions  ready for my sauce and BAM I'll be ready to go. See ya after the sauce. 

 

Colder Tuesday

 

Yesterday it a warm 56 degrees and this morning it's a cold 30 degrees and it might snow. Life changes so fast.

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Quote of the Day

 

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Tuesday's Funnies

Cold Winter

The Indians asked their Chief in autumn if the winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing an answer, the chief replies that the winter was going to be cold and that the members of the village were to collect wood to be prepared.
Being a good leader, he then went to the next phone booth and called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?"
The man on the phone responded, "This winter is going to be quite cold indeed."
So the Chief went back to speed up his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes", the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
So the Chief goes back to his people and orders them to go and find every scrap of wood they can find. Two weeks later he calls the National Weather Service again: "Are you absolutely sure that the
winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
 

 

OUCH!

Its So Cold Jokes

It's so cold, even the Good Humour Man is in a bad mood.

It's so cold, chicken wings are being sold only in hot and suicide.

It's so cold, Paris Hilton is actually wearing clothes.

It's so cold, fleece is once again fashionable.

It's so cold that I can feel icicles forming beneath my eyelids

It's so cold that I put the meat in the freezer to defrost.

It's so cold that I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets for once.

It's so cold that even members of congress couldn't get into a heated argument.

It's so cold that cigarette smokers were passing out because they didn't know that
they were through exhaling.

It's so cold that instead of the finger, New Yorkers are giving each other the mitten.

It's so cold that cabbies are wearing flannel turbans.

Jay Leno: "It was so cold, I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket."  

 

The Blonde Flu

A blonde walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, I'm horribly sick!"

The doctor looks at her and asks, "Flu?"

"No, I drove here."

 

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Today my wife has to leave to get her hair done and my daughter is cooking dinner today. I'll be OK, I'll survive.  Ha,ha,ha. 

I think I'll spend some time decorating for Christmas or baking for the holidays. After lunch my friend Gerry, my golfing friend, will be over to play some pool, some discussions and after coffee and goodies. Sounds like a great day. How about you? 

See ya!

 

 

 

 

Rainy Monday

Good Monday morning everyone. I've decided that Monday isn't so bad. I realize that the reason I hated Monday's was that before when I was teaching, Monday just started the week of teaching children but now Monday is like Saturday so Monday is beautiful.
I'm football out after watching three games yesterday. I still arranged our dinner and it was very good. My wife & daughter didn't complain so it must have been OK. I wanted to wash my Camero today because I'm putting the car in the garage for the winter on December 1st but due to the rain I won't be able.  For my American friends, you have Thanksgiving approaching on Thursday with parades, football games and of course turkey and pumpkin pie. 

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Quote of the Day

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Monday's Funnies

A little blonde girl is sitting at home, with a whole mess of animal crackers scattered all around her.
Her mom walks in and exclaims, "Suzy! What are you doing?"
"Mom, the box of animal crackers said not to eat if the seal was broken!"
"And?"
"And I'm looking for the seal!"

 

 

 

    A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."

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My wife came into the room to tell me something and just looking at her smiling face and cute body and I thought how lucky I am having her so I wanted to end my blog with a poem of marriage and here it is. Hope you like it.

The Secrets Of A Good Marriage

Growing up I've learnt about love,
I've been surrounded by it everyday.
I'm so glad you've both found it,
And it's why we're here today.

They say there's secrets to a good marriage,
That there are rules to obey,
But the most important rules of love,
Are what you two do everyday.

It's the ''hey babes'' in the morning,
It's how she makes his tea,
It's the way he smiles at her,
Such a sweet thing to see.

It's never being to old to hold hands,
Or to watch movies on the couch,
It's accepting all the flaws,
Even when the other's a grouch.

It's telling him he's not going grey,
It's the ''You look fine in those jeans''
It's ignoring the mid-life crisis,
and all her little ''scenes''.

It's facing the world as one,
And it's more than love at first sight,
It's together being a family,
Each and every day and night.

It's the way he looks into her eyes,
It's the way that she looks too,
It's why they stand before us,
and it's why they said ''I do''.

And now I stand here today,
On this important moment in life,
With two people very in love,
Now husband and wife.

Growing up, I've learnt about love,
and seeing it today proves it true,
You've both taught me so much,
And I'd be lucky to be half as happy as you.

Dull Sunday

The next three days are suppose to be wet and cool but not cold. Today is my day, Football Sunday. My wife & daughter are heading out this morning to visit place called Colasanti's near Leamington and they are leaving me all by myself. We contacted a person in the government office and she said that I really didn't need to do anything involving the car pedal except check on the doctor's office and have them right a note stating that I needed the pedal. No problem.

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Quote of the Day

Sunday's Funnies

Old Couple

Old Gerald was happy for his granddaughter Betty who was getting married. During the ceremony, he slipped a 1000 dollars into her hands and said she could use it when she felt cranky and wanted to splurge. Betty kissed her grandpa and slid the money in her right glove.

Owing to family tradition, Betty and her groom Peter spent their first night in the family mansion. Late in the night, Betty's grandma saw her sneaking out of her bedroom and heading towards another room. She called out to Betty and asked, "Where are you going this late?"

Betty replied, "Oh, I left my gloves in another room and I must have them now."

"God help girls of today", Grandma said, "Young woman, you go back to your room right now and grasp that thing with your bare hands same way I did your grandpa's."

Dustin had taken leave from his services in the army to get married. No sooner was the wedding over, Dustin got a call from the army directing him to to resume his duties with immediate effect. He was informed that he was stationed in Vietnam.for 2 years. 

After he reached Vietnam, he really started to miss his wife. He sent a mail to her. It read, "Sweetheart, it seems like I am going to be here for a long time. I miss you terribly. You know the local girls here are quite attractive and its so hard to fight the temptation. I guess I will have to take up some hobby to keep my mind from wandering."

Lisa, his bride wrote back to him, "Sweetheart, I have couriered a parcel to you. It will solve your problem."

When Dustin received the parcel, he found a flute inside with a note 'You should learn to play this.'

Finally, the two years came to an end, and Dustin got to go back home. He rushed to his wife, and picking her up in his arms, said, "Oh God! How much I missed you. I want you so much...let's go to bed."

"Wait a minute", said Lisa, "Lets hear you play the flute first."

 

 

Peter Jones was lying on his deathbed. His family was there next to him - his wife Paula and his three sons. While two of his sons, Patrick and Pedro were handsome and well-built, the third son, Jeremy, was extremely ugly.

Peter says to his wife in a weak voice, "Paula dear, there is something that I always wanted to ask you. I can't go in peace unless I know. Is Jeremy really my son? Please tell me the truth. I will forgive you if you tell me the truth."

Paula strokes his hair gently and answers, "Yes, Jeremy is your son. I swear by God that you are his father. I would not lie to a dying man."

Peter, satisfied, by the answer, dies in peace.

Paula mutters, "What a relief he didn't ask about Patrick and Pedro."

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Well my wife & Daughter have just left and I'm by myself. Completed my blog so I'd better get a coffee and sit and watch my big TV. Have  a great Sunday. I will. See ya.

 

 

Confusing Saturday

This the way I feel this morning. I've been driving since I have been 16 yeas of age. When I had my stroke, 1977, my right foot due to nerve damage I needed to put on a accelerator pedal on the left. Since then, I've been driving for 37 years. My wife wanted the same accelerator put on her car so that I could drive her car during the winter since I put my Camero in the garage during the winter. Yesterday we found out that the government changed the rules and I needed and new piece of paper that would allow me to drive and if I didn't have it I would be not be able to drive or if I did i was breaking the law. Are they crazy? I've been driving for since 16 and 37 years since after the stroke and because they change some stupid rule I have to change some crazy thing. Oh well but I'm frustrated this morning.
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Quote of the Day

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Saturday's Funnies

A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"

"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.

"What's so funny about that?"

"I'm a gynecologist."

 

I want to take money with me

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most-his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin."The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that."The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

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Well I guess I better end this blog with a better feeling because even though I'm a little frustrated, I'm here writing my blog again and I have my Camero and big TV and of course my beautiful wife. Life if beautiful. Have a beautiful day friends. See ya.