Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Colored Lights Wednesday

A cold and dreary Wednesday morning to all. I think it's time to take my Camero out from the cold and have it settle down in the garage for the winter. Last night was a good night playing pool and after I stayed away from any goodies. This morning I weighted myself and since Sunday I've lost a pound and a half. Great, I have to just keep it up. Today as I said before we'll be going to Devonshite Mall to see if I can get my wife a Christmas gift. After, so far nothing is being arranged other then watching TV. We watched  the Victoria Secrets fashion show with these beautiful woman in skimpy underwear. As an Italian, those women were just to skinny. I like to see a full bodied woman that looks healthy. Those ladies looked ill those beautiful. 


Jingle Bells Quote of the Day


Christmas Wednesday's Funnies

Santa Claus is a woman!

Santa Claus is a woman because:

  • The vast majorities of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.
  • For a he-Santa, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh.
  • Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
  • For a Santa man, there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue.
  • He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
  • Men can't pack a bag.
  • Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
  • Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
  • Men don't answer their mail.
  • Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
  • Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
  • Having to do the 'Ho Ho Ho' thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
  • Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. 

Santa is certainly a Man!

Santa Claus is undoubtedly a man because:
  • Santa doesn't deliver his presents on The Friday after Thanksgiving when the malls are open for 20 hours. Christmas Eve deliveries prove Mr. Claus to be a man.
  • Santa's reindeer is so drunk that his nose glows as his navigator. A woman would never let out those cute deer to work on Christmas Eve that too in cold and perhaps would dress them in sweaters and booties.
  • Only a male Santa can ignore 'fashion' and wear the same suit for 500 years.
  • Santa has never been known to answer a letter.
  • Women aren't interested in stockings unless someone better looking than them is wearing them.
  • As many presents as Santa delivers he has no trouble with babes.
  • Only men have the ability to stay up for 24 hours straight in the cold with a bunch of mangy deer and going up and down soot-infested chimneys.
  • A woman would never even think of going down a chimney and risk staining that red velvet.
  • Commitment requires that Christmas be on the same day each year. A female Santa would delay Christmas until she can touch-up her makeup and do her hair after leaving each house.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you call an elf who sings?
A Wrapper!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Ice Crispies.


Well it's that time again for me to move out of here. Have a great day everyone. See ya.

1 comment:

  1. It's cold and gloomy here too Paul. We've a big storm coming tonight. Huge we're hearing. High winds and lots of rain. Oh well.

    Loved all the funnies. I always to love your funnies.

    Have a fabulous day my friend. ☺


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