Good morning friends. What do you have lined up for today? Me, nothing much. It's Sunday and I like to use today for rest only to arrange dinner for my family. I'll be watching golf for sure.
Sunday's Funnies
Ice Fishing
There were two good ol’ boys from
Alabama, who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing.
They’d heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake
was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a
little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, “We’re
gonna need an ice pick.” So they got that, and they took off. In about
two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, “We’re gonna need
another dozen ice picks.”
Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, “We’re gonna need all the ice picks you’ve got.”
The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way,” he asked, “how are you fellows doing?”
“Not very well at all,” he said. “We ain’t even got the boat in the water yet."
Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, “We’re gonna need all the ice picks you’ve got.”
The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way,” he asked, “how are you fellows doing?”
“Not very well at all,” he said. “We ain’t even got the boat in the water yet."
Sex with a Ghost
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?"
Most of the hands go up.
"And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?"
About half the hands stay up.
"Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?"
Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd.
"Gosh, that's pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh..., been *intimate* with a ghost?"
One hand stays up. The speaker blinks.
"Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?"
The fellow suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry,... I thought you said goat!"
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?"
Most of the hands go up.
"And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?"
About half the hands stay up.
"Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?"
Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd.
"Gosh, that's pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh..., been *intimate* with a ghost?"
One hand stays up. The speaker blinks.
"Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?"
The fellow suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry,... I thought you said goat!"
The Pee Pee Game
There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can play, ‘Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee’". "How do you play that?" asked the redneck.
"It's easy'' said the Spanish boy, "we can play it next recess."
So when recess time came, the three boys went outside. "Alright," said the Spanish boy, "Lets play."
The Asian boy explained that all you have to do is pull down your pants and whoever has the biggest pee pee is the winner. And so the Asian boy pulled down his pants and the other two boys were impressed. Then the Spanish boy pulled down his pants. His pee pee was about the same size as the Asian boy's. As the redneck boy pulled his pants down, the other two boys stared in awe.
"You win for sure," they both said.
Later that day the redneck boy went home and his mother asked him, "So did you make any new friends today?"
"Yup. I played this game called ‘Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee’ and the other boys said I won because I'm a redneck."
His mother laughed and replied, "No sweetie, you won because you're 23."
There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can play, ‘Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee’". "How do you play that?" asked the redneck.
"It's easy'' said the Spanish boy, "we can play it next recess."
So when recess time came, the three boys went outside. "Alright," said the Spanish boy, "Lets play."
The Asian boy explained that all you have to do is pull down your pants and whoever has the biggest pee pee is the winner. And so the Asian boy pulled down his pants and the other two boys were impressed. Then the Spanish boy pulled down his pants. His pee pee was about the same size as the Asian boy's. As the redneck boy pulled his pants down, the other two boys stared in awe.
"You win for sure," they both said.
Later that day the redneck boy went home and his mother asked him, "So did you make any new friends today?"
"Yup. I played this game called ‘Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee’ and the other boys said I won because I'm a redneck."
His mother laughed and replied, "No sweetie, you won because you're 23."
Sunday's Poetry
Well it's time to say good bye for the day. I hope that you'll have a warm & enjoyable Sunday
SEE YA.
Well it's early evening here and the sun is still out but not tomorrow apparently arrghhh!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your funnies I see good ole Mr Bean heheh!
Have a tanfastic day and enjoy the golf :-)
Great post, Paul, and I am especially touched by the image about smiling at children.
ReplyDeleteWell today had been a busy day for me celebrating Norway's national day.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, my husband did the cooking today because I was in church:)
Thanks for the funnies!
I love the advice about smiling at children, and will also add: wave to children. I got into my car the other day and noticed a little girl in the backseat waving, so I waved back. Again and again...until I had to drive away. It brought huge smiles to both of us.
ReplyDeleteHappy Sunday. Big hugs, honey...